still sans computer!
Current Mood:
Sickly
I’m writing this at uni, since I still don’t have a comptuer. A is looking at getting one for me, but argh! Luckily I still have the iTouch, but it’s just not the same! Supposedly, I’m studying for a take home exam that is coming up, but I keep getting distracted!
This semester has nearly ended – I only did one subject, so it was quite an easy time. Next semster will be a different story, with three subjects – two internal (thankfully on the same day!) and one external subject. Between now and then I have holidays, one whole day off in which I can get up late, drop Dexie off, go the the gym, have a nice lunch in a cafe by myself, browse the shops,then pick Willow up.
I saw my GP this morning, my blood pressure is still high, so he advised me to double the dose of the medication I’m on. Last week I saw the surgeon, who has set a date for surgery on the 9th of July.
Just quietly, I’m freaking out. I don’t like being a patient. While it’s reassuring to know that I’ll be in the best hospital, with the best surgeon, I still don’t like that feeling of not having control. I think that’s what it has come down to. I used to work in a hospital (albeit a rehabilitation hospital as a case manager), my mum used to work in a hospital and I love the logistics of hospitals, understanding how they work. I just don’t want to be a patient. I don’t want to be poked and prodded, I don’t like invasive tests and the thought of lying on an operating table scares me. Apparently it will take a week to recover and I’m not sure that I can do that. I don’t like doing nothing.
I can have a homebirth, but not a home cholecystectomy!
On the other hand, I can’t eat fat without subsequently suffering pain and nausea. I’m totally over it and if surgery means they stop, then I’m all for it!
